So much crazy shit has gone down this weekend.  Friday night I went to Del Rey to meet a group of friends, I found out July 24th is national tequila day so it seemed like a natural choice.  Some of the people I had met before and a few were ‘friends’ that I had chatted with online.  After 8 days of sobriety, I caved.  I was a group of mostly men and lovin it.  L(inguist)’s business partner was there.  It had been awhile since I last say him and I conveniently forgot that I thought he was cute.  Shit!  This could be a situation.  L is out of town.  There are absolutely no ties or commitments with us…but his business partner?  Eh, probably not cool.  I decided to watch what I drink.  One cocktail…two waters.

While everyone was hanging out and chatting another guy showed up.  We met once before but really didn’t have a chance to talk.  I was interested in this guy and kinda surprised he came downtown.  Things were really starting to get interesting.  As we all chatted I hopped around and changed seats a few times.  XXX made a comment that he was attracted to me.  WHA?  I honestly didn’t see that coming.  Hmmm.  Interesting.  We stayed at Der Rey until about 9pm and went over to the opening of Copper Cart; I know the owner and had promised I would show up.   We all got a spot and ordered a round of drinks.  I had some more friends show up and the party was in full swing.  XXX and I were at the bar getting a bottle of champagne and the next thing I knew he was kissing me.  Great kisser.  I would say that is where he sealed the deal. 

Copper Cart was a fun spot but a little more club than I prefer.  We decided to head over to Twist for a final drink and then back to my house.  Details?  Huh uh.  I’m gonna keep it private for now.  We had a good time…at night and again in the morning.  I drove XXX home and spent Saturday at home recovering, cleaning house, doing laundry, etc.  I had a few different opportunities on Saturday night but I didn’t feel like leaving the house.  Bunny is out of town and we ended up chatting on the phone for about an hour.  

Sunday evening I got a call from XXX; very nice for the ego.  We decided I would come over to his house for dinner.  We went to the grocery store and he cooked for me – it was very sweet.  Of course his house had no air conditioning (Washington state!!!  No one has air here) so it was hot.  After dinner we sat out on his balcony and finished our wine and chatted.  More great kisses which lead to him inviting me back to his bedroom.  Nope!  We’re having sex outside.  I asked him to get me a glass of water and some condoms.  He grabbed some pillows, a yoga matt, and a sheet.  It was very sweet!  XXX is a really nice guy.  He’s probably too nice for me.  I’m a train wreck.  He is boyfriend material.  So far, so good.  I’ve been very honest about my situation.  The last thing I had to be honest about was L.  Small world, Seattle and I think they may be doing some business together in the future.  Uncomfortable….but he was so nice about it.  He said that he knew if I had the dirtygirl.com website (that’s what I sometimes refer to it as when I don’t necessarily want the person to read) then he said he knew that I was “flirty”.  Flirty?  How about slutty?

I started out the night at Amber for happy hour.  I had a few friends meeting there: my neighbor, that I have talked about before but yet to name and a hot Belltown girlfriend that moved here 3 months ago from LA.  We ended up moving over to Twist for a few hours.  I had it in my mind that I would stay until 8pm.  Three hours at a bar without drinking was all I could take.  We met a lot of people but no one fabulous.  I was bummed.  The Mr gave me a call so we got to chat about 20 minutes.  Wifey was out for the night; she went to see “the man hating lesbian….you know the one”.  I have no idea who the hell he was referring to.  Oh, Kathy Griffin was at Wente Vineyards!  As far as I know she isn’t a lesbian….and I wouldn’t classify her as a man hater.  Funny….old guys are funny!!

So I finished my call and went back in the bar.  I was ready to call it a night.  We said goodbye and my girl and I head out.  We walked to the corner together and then went our separate ways.  I approached my building and recognized one of the guys from the bar.  He was an old guy that I’ve seen a few times.  We stood outside my building chatting.  While we were standing there this hot blond was coming in and out the front door.  If you live downtown you have a fob to get in your building and specific instructions not to let anyone in.  Manners can suck it.  You are on video and if you let someone in, you could be fined.  There are too many crazies out there and that doesn’t even count all the ex’s.  Yikes!  I didn’t want her to think I was one of those weirdos waiting to pop in at some point so I told her “I’m not a stalker, I actually live in the building” and showed her my key fob.  She smiled, “I know, I’m on top of you….we met at Kirkland Hef’s (of course she used his real name)”.  Oh shit!  I forgot about this chick.  She’s a hot blond Russian.  He had a group of them over one night when I popped over, I talked about her for about a half a sentence in this post  over two months ago the night KH fingered me.  Most of the girls were bitches but she was really sweet….and very attractive.  The day we met she had spent the night over on the Eastside so in the middle of the afternoon she was still in her hoochie gear from the club.  I could tell she was a little self conscious since we were all in shorts and bathing suits but that slight insecurity is what made her kinda cute.  So the I’m on top of you comment…she lives in the unit one floor above mine.  “I thought you were going to come over for drink” she said.  Awww, I kinda thought it was just a bullshit offer….how sweet.  “Oh awesome, let’s definitely get together” I tell her.  “I’ve heard it before…how ’bout now?” she asks.  I felt like she was flirting with me but then I thought of my girls back home….they give me shit because I swear everyone wants me.  This girl is just really friendly.

We go up to her place and she breaks out the Ciroc.  She tells me she bought some because we talked about it over Kirkland Hef’s.  Very cool.  Unfortunately I told her I’m on a little vacation from alcohol right now but I appreciate the offer!  “Well I want you to relax”…and then….she kissed me.  Ok ok ok ok OK…this really is a moment where I think I need a drink (Sin, go ahead and quote me there dude) but fuck we’re already at a kiss so it’s not like I have enough time to get a buzz anyway.  The thing is, I’m really not bi.  Most of the time I think claiming to be bi-sexual is bullshit.  If you are gay, just own it.  Who cares.  If I’m drunk I will make out with anyone.  This was a whole new experience and inside I was freaking the fuck out.  I tried to control all the nervous giggles.  She can sense all my nerves…I’m not good at hiding my emotions.  We sit on her couch for awhile and my stomach is full of butterflies.  We have a good conversation and I start to relax.  She is really a sweet girl.  She works from home, we talk about her job, her family, various bullshit.  We talk about boys and Kirkland Hef; he approached the girls at a club and paid them to hang out.  WHA?  I find this shocking.  I had no idea that the girls in bikinis were getting paid.  Interesting.  So sexy Svetlana explains that while she is bisexual, she rarely finds men that aren’t annoying and she tells me she ‘had a crush on me’ when we met.  Ok seriously….Ashton…where are you?? 

We talk about the Mr and Svetlana tells me she is also a fan of older men.  She likes being taken care of “but tonight I feel like taking care of you”.  Ummm, actually I’m good thanks.  She kissed me again.  A really sweet no tongue in my mouth, make me want it kiss.  She kissed me again…and again… but just slow soft kisses.  “We can take this as slow as you want” she assures me.  Fuck!  I’m not sure what I want.  This is crazy shit!!!  “Let’s take a shower” I hear myself say it…wait….did I just ask her to fucking shower with me???????????????????  I dunno.  I wasn’t sure where to go and I kept thinking if I am gonna lick a vag I want it fresh out of the shower.  Oh Jesus!!  ME?  Lick a vaj???

We strip and get in the shower, there is lots of kissing and I’m pretty turned on.  This is crazy….did I mention this is crazy??  Did I also mention I am 7 days sober?  This is the kind of stuff saved for stories that start with “I was so drunk”.  I don’t really don’t know what it was but she was nice…and hot….and I was having a good time.  I’m gonna go easy on the details.  Look, for the most part I don’t usually get too detailed on the sex.  She was a great kisser.  Yes, she went down on me.  She had a drawer full of toys and I was a little bit relieved when I saw the bottle of sex toy cleaner.  Ok cool, she cleans these.  I know…kinda kills the story but this is shit I think of.  I can’t help it.  She had a big, bendy, double dildo.  She took control of everything.  She got on top and kissed me the entire time.  She stayed close.  It wasn’t  the fucking….it was the intimacy that I had needed.  It was nice.  I will admit that I had a great time tonight.  I told her I had to go; I have a really big day tomorrow.  I needed to get home and write all this down.  What a crazy night!!  She told me to come over anytime….

That has got to be the craziest thing I have ever done and I have fucked a LOT.  Sobriety kinda rocks.  No hangover tomorrow but OMG I am tired.  Being at an office by 9am each morning sucks ass!  Oh, she did lick my ass too.  Shhhhh!  Holy shit that was crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Typos to be fixed tomorrow….I’m tired.  G’night bitches!

I got to see the Mr yesterday…. but only for about 90 minutes.  He flew in so we could have a drink together at Spencers (in the Hilton, across the street from SeaTac).   Now really, who does that?  He spent more time on the flight here and back then he spent with me but I just needed to see him.  Due to some personal and business issues (he has asked me not to discuss too much of his personal life) we have been unable to connect and I hate that.  We haven’t had any time together since early June.  It felt great to spend some time together.  He had two glasses of wine…I stuck to diet coke (rock on with your sobriety biotch!).  The time went by too fast.  Sometimes I feel like I don’t appreciate the moment.  Does that sound gay?  Like, I was just having a convo with a friend…but when I dropped him off I felt sad; I already missed him.  I stopped in the Safeway in Burien because Safeway by my house is dirty and disgusting….

SAFEWAY…..CLEAN YOUR ACT UP IN SEATTLE!!!  YOUR STORES ARE FUCKING NASTY AND IN CALIFORNIA THEY ARE NICE.  WTF???!!!!!

Sorry, I had to get that out.  So I go into Safeway in Burien to pick up eggs, milk, bread (were you aware the Starbucks sausage breakfast sandwich has 480 calories????) and as I’m walking down the aisle I hear Britney Spears “Everytime” playing.  Britney Fucking Spears…..I start crying in the store.  Why am I so sad lately?  I’m lonely and hate that my boyfriend is so busy lately.  We’ve been together for three years so I feel like this will pass but every year he seems to be buying more companies and working even more.   ”The things you own….end up owning you”….Tyler Durden (I’ve got fight club on right now).  Alright enough of the pity party, let’s talk about the boys, shall we? 

I met a guy Monday night that I thought was cute.  Hell there were a lot of cuties at the event I was at.  We ended up sitting at a table for two and the room of 100 seemed to disappear…well, partially because it was toward the end of the event and the crowd literally peaced out..but you get the point.  There was a connection.  I had no alcohol, just 4 triple grande caramel macchiatos….I am taking a temporary walk in the shoes of a 12 stepper.  The blog came up in conversation.  He said he knew it….wait…you know it??  He said yea, didn’t you write something about a threesome with another girl and a guy?  Ummmm, done that but I don’t remember writing about it.  He looked it up on his phone and immediately said yes, that was the site – he remembered the links in the intro page.  Ok this is fucking weird.  I do follow Seattle people on Twitter so I assume that is it.  “No”, he says “I wouldn’t follow you on Twitter because I have a girlfriend”.  So what!  I ask why that matters.  It seems she checks his account.  This is beyond insane to me but when I ask why he gave me the cutest smile, “because I’m a cheater” he responds.   Well well…I’m even more interested (God I’m a mental case).  I ask him if he wants to come to my house and he tells me he thinks I’m hot but he can’t, he’s doing his best to be good.  I gave him my “real” Twitter account.  When I got home I saw he was a follower so I sent him a flirtatious DM…no response.  We’ll see what happens when I see him next Wednesday…

If I were a boy…

I’m flipping channels and see that Lindsay Lohan has a TV movie tonight called “Labor Pains” in which she fakes a pregnancy to keep a job.  Again, why wasn’t I blogging five years ago???  I would have proof that I owned this one.  Well, I’m sure it’s been done before.  Here’s my story:

I had been working at a super cool dot com in San Jose, CA in 2000.  We brought our dogs to work, wore slippers, had a refrigerator full of free water and sodas (and beer on Fridays), free lunches, free bagels for breakfast, ping pong table, foosball,…you know the deal.  We all lived it (well you early 20 somethings didn’t…haha fuckers….finally something to brag about being 30+…well that and a fabulous sex drive…back on track girl..).  While at aforementioned “dot com” I lost a shit load of weight and became quite the popular chick. I worked in marketing which meant I spent half the day in meetings talking about what cool shit we could give away and the other half flirting with the sales team.  God they had hot guys in sales!  At some point I got a in relationship and he wanted me to leave the company because he had a higher position.  I searched on Monster.com and found a job as an administrative assistant.  I got the job and left dot com behind.  My new job had some great benefits including working from home.  The man I was an admin for lived in another state.  Of course, as his admin, I had access to his Outlook account.  Over time I learned more and more about his job and eventually started doing it myself.  I went from admin to project manager…but only in work load, not in job title or pay.  My boss was a total asshole.  He would try to chat like we were great friends and dump work all over me.  He would fly in for trips to meet with the client and make me chauffeur him everywhere.  After the work day he would pick up some beers and drink in the car (think Bay Area traffic) and call his buddies and tell him how his assistant was driving him around, “yeah, I’d fuck her” he’d tell them….right in front of me.  Awkward???  So we got this huge, huge million dollar event for some very senior management…by then asshole boss had become very comfortable working a good 15 hours a week and dumping the work on me.  Unfortunately with the amount of money they were spending the client wanted more experience than I had.  I knew I was fucking up left and right but it was due to inexperience and not for lack of trying.  I was stressed out and crying almost every day.  I would try to track the boss down and he never seemed to be available.  I was over promising and under delivering at work.  I knew the client hated me and I reached out to my boss constantly.  The company that I worked for was a huge boys club with them all coming from a military background.  There was no point in me trying to go to the boss’ boss…they were buddies from back in the day.  FUCK!  One day I was going through my boss’ email when I found a message telling our client that they were going to get rid of me.  It was only a small relief to see that her response was urging him to re-think the decision and give me another chance.  I had to go to the movies and clear my head. 

I was being fired!

My mind was spinning.  This fucker treated me like shit!  All of his comments about me being hot enough to fuck, telling me how he hired me because I was attractive..yet not so attractive the female clients would find me intimidating, bitching at me when I gained a few pounds from the stress about him never being around….wait, I gained weight….I gained weight….this is where I got the idea!  I had some friends in HR and I knew pregnancy was a hot issue; no employer would fire a chick that just announced her pregnancy. 

I immediately made an appointment at my gynecologist and called my BFF for help.  She had been pregnant a few times and lost the baby so she would be able to give me all the details of her experience so I could make it my own.  Let the acting begin…

I went to the gyno and explained me story.  My doctor said it was illegal to write me any type of note confirming a false pregnancy however she was able to give me a ton of samples of prenatal vitamins.  Nice!  The next step was for my BFF to deliver some flowers that of course were from the father.  I just had to “confide” in my boss…you know, when he was having one of his moments where he was playing the role of my good buddy.  I asked him to keep a secret and saw that he immediately spread the word.  It was about 2 months before he quit – it was quit or be fired.  What an asshole.  I ended up staying at the job for another five years.  I plan to return once the economy is better but maybe I just dooced myself with this story?  I doubt it…I think it was pretty damn clever. 

I should be a movie of the week! 

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Jane Michaels

MakesNooSense was great and I loved when I was on Chemisty, Match, etc wondering if potential dates would ever Google a screen name but it never happened…well, as far as I know.  I got tired of Facebook asking me if I was a male or female.  I love the name Jane, for sentimental reasons that only those that know me will figure out but no worries…youshould already have figured out I’m no plain Jane.  I’ll still keep it crazy and full with full details and no filter!  Are you following me on Twitter yet?  @SeattleSingle  Now that I am not blogging every day I think I will be giving more mini updates!  I also might be joining up and doing a weekly post on a sexalicious testosterone driven site that I enjoy.  I’ll keep you posted.  Change is coming bitches and I think you’ll enjoy it. 

Love you, mean it!
Jane Michaels <3  (no relation to Brett)

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Ugh, I’m on the couch recovering and watching the movie The Hangover on Project Free TV.  Last night I had dinner with Single.  He’s a nice guy and I’m a total asshole.  We met for dinner at Wasabi Bistro.  He asked plenty of questions about me and was really sweet.  I kinda felt like we didn’t have a lot to talk about.  I enjoyed him as a person but we just didn’t connect.  I had told him on the front end that I had plans with someone else later in the evening (Linguist).  He was obviously disappointed but he took it well.  I felt like it added to the awkwardness of the evening.  Bunny was down the street at Del Rey so after dinner we decided to meet her.  We grabbed a booth and Bunny explained Twitter to Single.  We drank sake at Wasabi but switched over to Ciroc.  Oh Ciroc, I think it may be time to break up.  Single had another party to get to but he was kind enough to pick up our bar bill before leaving.  Ok, this guy can be trained.  He asks to see me on a night that I don’t have another commitment.  We’ll see.  As I said, sober…we just didn’t connect. 

By the time Single left sobriety was waaay in the rear view mirror.  We met a new guy that just moved from Boston.  Bunny was hopping all over the bar that night.  She was getting her social on.  I was focused on drinking!  Again, I am not feeling so great today.  I had my phone on the bar because I was waiting on a call from L.  I had planned on meeting him at my house but when he called Bunny answered and ran away with my phone.  Apparently she told him to come to the bar.  Ok, there’s the green light on drinking.  Somebody stop me!  Really….I am quitting.  I went 90 days last March.  I still went out and had fun.  L showed up at the bar and we had fun…well what I remember was fun.  We finished at Belltown Pizza.  We got to my house at almost 1am and I realized I grabbed the wrong set of keys and was locked out of my house.  I drunk dialed the housekeeper at 1am and asked her to come to Belltown and unlock my door.  Made sense at the time.  Silly girl.  I feel awful today.  When I called to apologize this morning she was not loving me.  Ouch!  That one is gonna cost me!

After we finally got in my house I realized I could not find my credit card.  Needless to say, I did not have a night of hot sex which is what Thursdays are all about!  Well, hot sex and 30 Rock! : )  I gotta give up drinking!  Hellooooo sobriety!

Recently I’ve had a lot of instances of “worlds colliding” (please tell me you get the George Costanza reference here), and that has made me think it was time to “break up” with the blog.  But here’s the thing….I love the blog!!  I love the idea of this site, and giggle with excitement each morning I get up to see how many hits I got the day before…but I had some scandalous, slutty shit going down. I was making connections with important Seattle people as ME and as MakesNooSense.  It was getting weird.   I thought about deleting but it’s not like I’m Jessica Cutler…she had some seriously good shit and she got a book deal.  Don’t know her?  This was 2005 and the first time I heard about blogging….really, that was 4 years ago and I didn’t start my blog until March 09…God I’m lazy. 

So yesterday morning I was walking down 1st Avenue and saw my girl Sara, from Wax On…I mentioned before she is fabulous (and at the Belltown location on Wednesdays only)….she shouted “I love your website!”as we walked by each other.  Awww, big warm fuzzies in my heart.  Even better, the guy behind me said “hey, what’s your website?”.  I was headed to an interview for a fabulous internship that I am SO excited about!!  It’s a cool company that I’ll do my best to not to disclose…we’ll see how that goes.  In order to prove to them that I would be a good match for the job I had to show my website.  It was one thing to email and send the link but when we went to coffee and my potential new boss had his netbook and said we would go to my site together..I felt myself starting to sweat.  Really?  Let’s just chat over coffee and possibly flip through hooker stories, strap on dildos, cum on my tits, and various hits.  I think I may just die of embarrassment.  Oh well, own it right?  In the end he said he liked it.  Yesss!

On my walk back home I popped into Deja Vu (well my receipt says I shopped at Champ Arcade….anyone else think that’s funny?).  I was out of my My favorite lube and knew I could buy a small bottle there while I waited for my Amazon order ($2.87 at Amazon, $6.95 local…FYI).  I had a chat with Brett, the GM of Deja Vu adult superstore (also known as Champ Arcade..haha) and he said HE had read my blog.  Ok…shut the front door!  Now I’m feeling like celebrity status.  Could it be that he read the story about my bringing my 8 southern gentlemen for some lap dances (see liquor and whores post for details)?  How can I quit now?  I have been asked for dating advice, heard crazy stories, received dick photos (no really stop sending the dick photos unless they include your face), possibly helped my friend’s marriage (oh yes, there is an Ashley Madison update!!), and fed my big fat ego writing this blog.  So for right now, my personalities have taken a vote and we’ve decided that yes, we will in fact OWN IT.  I apologize for the mood swings and craziness.  I will not be blogging daily but will commit to 3 times per week.  How’s that for a compromise?  Work for everyone?

As always…love you, ,mean it!

*Housekeeping / A few notes….First, my cat was not harmed in the shave.  Yes, he has a bad haircut right now but I am one of those types that is not the owner but “mommy” and mommy would never hurt her baby.  Second, Sara (from Wax On salon) has given me permission to use her name and place of business.  If you are first time reader, I nickname everyone.  I do name businesses because that is free advertising for them.  The only business I don’t name is the one where the hot bartender masturbates and I part of the reason I keep that a secret is I don’t want to share   Finally, I met some girls on Saturday 7/11 at Del Rey.  You know who you are and I owe you a drink.  Sorry we didn’t connect at the next bar after you picked up the first round.  I recall you weren’t local but you weren’t from TOO far out either.  I should have saved your number but I didn’t.  You’ve got mine.  You were sweet girls and did I mention I loved your dress (smile!).

Keepin it real, at one time I had an Owens jersey and thought the guy was great.  I thought he might get my team (Niners!!) to their sixth SuperBowl.  Yes, I’m a dreamer.  At the ProBowl in February 2004 I finally got the chance to see him on the street.  I followed him for blocks but I had no idea what to say.  Everyone knew he was going to leave SF and I hated all the trash talking he did about the team, Garcia, Mariucci, etc.  I kept trying to think of something clever.  Nothing.  I finally just stopped following him.  BTW, if you have never gone to a ProBowl and you love football….book the damn ticket.  Oahu is so small of an island there is no one for them to go.  As a chick, you are going get in the VIP line and meet the players…and before you even think it…I would never fuck someone in the NFL.  In a word: ewww. 

So here’s a five minute preview of his new show.  Seems to be a lot of random shit.  It will be another one I’m sucked into.  Hey, are you guys watching Big Brother?  Love that show!  Want to go on it…no surprise there, right?

I’m jumping way ahead of myself.

Our conversation was on dating, men, what we are attracted to and then we get to grooming…..You know how I feel, right?  I told him a fur bikini is OUT.  He assured us he shaves everywhere. Yikes. I felt his arm. Sure enough, there was stubble. “Quit it”, we told him! We shared our views on grooming – crotch area yes, trim, trim, shave, bald is beautiful. Arms and chest? Go ahead and be manly. That hair doesn’t bother us. Even a little hair on your tummy. That’s fine. I don’t need my man to be that intensely metro. When I moved away and finally hooked it up with my hot, hot, ridiculously hot body personal trainer back home, one of the things that really stuck out about the experience (besides the hot body and surprise that actually had a great big cock) was the stubble on his body. Ouch! Now that’s not sexy! The conversation got flirty and he asked to check out my shaving work. I got right up out of my seat; don’t ever try to play truth or dare with me! I watched the bartender, the last thing I want is to be kicked out of Belltown Pizza…it’s one of my favorite spots! $3 a slice for yummy pizza? Yes please!! He realized I was watching him and basically said ‘anything goes’. Oh good! I gave Dante a little below the belt flash at the bar. He was fun! I decided I liked him and he would accompany us to the next bar. Bunny asked for our check…bad girl. Before I could even tell Dante that he should go ahead and grab that (come on, two drinks and a slice….it’s not like it was El Gaucho!) he told the bartender to put it all on his tab. Ok dude, now I really am enjoying you!

We went down to check out Vela, last night was their soft opening. It was a large space, downstairs at 1st and Clay (on the south east corner). Lots of TVs. Bunny and I noticed that we were probably the only Belltown girls in the place. Lots of prom dresses in the group. That’s ok…they were cuties. We got a couple drinks and Dante broke out the card again. Bunny had to meet a friend at List around 10:30 so we didn’t stay long. We really just wanted to check the place out. I felt like they should have pushed back the opening just another week. There weren’t doors on the stalls in the ladies room and the lighting was really poor too – like I had to use my cell backlight to see the last girl pissed all over the seat so I will wait for the heated seat over at List. BTW…ewwww! I get it if you don’t want to use an ass gasket and actually sit but if you are a squatter and make a mess….fucking clean it up! Gah-ross!

We walked down to List and for a moment I thought we lost Dante. He was walking a little bit slow. This was my first sign that he was hammered. Hmmm, a light weight. I’ll bet he normally sticks to beer. Once we realize we dropped our credit card…I mean, lost Dante (kidding!) we back tracked. Sure enough he got sucked in by a homeless guy on 1st. Sad that Bunny and I are now oblivious to them. It’s like we don’t even see it anyone. Ugh! I really hate that but when you’ve lived here for two years….sigh….that’s another blog…

so we catch up and Dante tells us that what those people really need…is a hug and he stopped to give the guy one. Awwww. You sweetie! So you buy all our drinks and you’ve got a great big heart too. I just might take him home!

We get to List….wait, why the fuck do they still not have a website?  And why is the Apartments site still up….The List used to be The Apartment.  Whatever.  I get to meet Bunny friend Hefeweizen… that’s all he drinks. He seemed to be a really cool guy but I ended up focusing more on Dante. Silly rabbit. Hopefully I’ll get to hang with him again. Hefeweizen is a local guy so I’m sure I will get that chance. We order a bottle of wine and some apps, List has a late night happy hour…love a late night happy hour!! We end up sharing flat bread, a burger, gnocchi, and meatballs. Dante is really focused on me. He’s kissing me in the bar, which I am not a fan of a big PDA. Thankfully they are just baby kisses and not a make out or I’d have to put the kibosh on it.

Dante is a decent looking guy (I think I’ve said that already). He has a good job. He lives in Queen Anne and he’s into me. So if you’re a first time reader or haven’t figured out I’m insane…this means I’m not into him.

Somebody get me some therapy please!

I’m thinking about Linguist the entire night. We had planned to get together on Thursdays but I decided to cancel. I just couldn’t handle it. Of course he was totally cool with that, told me to take as long as I need. Blowing me off just fuels my fire. I am certifiable and must delete his phone number immediately.

Bunny and I agree we are drunk and it’s time to call it a night. We put Dante in a cab and send him home. I get to my house to think about the evening. I am wide awake and drunk. Annoying. I play on the internet and get a message at 1am from my renter back home…apparently the girl renting the condo above mine likes to vacuum in the middle of the night and it’s pissing my girl off. Read between the lines….they are two hot bitches so before they can become new besties they have to hiss at each other like two cats. I end up placing a 1am call to the guy that owns the condo above mine to ask him to call his renter so she stops pissing off my renter. OMG. Seriously, I need a breathalyzer on my cell!  Why did I have to make that call drunk and at one in the morning?  By noon the next day the two bitches worked it out.  I’ll bet they go out tonight!

I’ve got some other stuff brewing but I can’t discuss just yet but it’s got me slightly spun. So I send a text to L asking if he’s awake…and alone. Oh fuck, really honey…why are you an idiot??? So this breathalyzer on my cell needs to control calls and text messages?  Noted!  Seriously….someone make this NOW.  You will be crazy rich! 

Ok, now for Friday night….

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I’ve been checking out some other blogs.  OMG there are some creative, smart people out there.  I’ve been thinking I want to switch to video.  Partially because I am lazy and typing all this shit out is making me crazy.  I wanna live it, I don’t want to write it.  I spend so much time editing….both for anonymity of those I write about and my really shitty grammar.  The problem is…The Mr.  He is pretty supportive of the whole blogging idea; I think he really doesn’t ‘get it’ but he’s such a kind man he wants whatever I want…as Teresa from The Real Housewives of New Jersey says “happy wife, happy life” and yea, I’m his “Seattle wife” (that’s what we call it).  Unfortunately wifey knows who I am and apparently googles my name from time to time.  I get that.  I’ve been psycho before.  Please….I am a woman.  If you’re a chick, you’ve been psycho once or twice.  Oh, BTW a fucking HOUR has passed since I started writing.  I may be insane.  FOCUS…..so anyway….I was thinking of doing video but just changing my name.  A “pen name”.   This way wifey won’t find me and when I apply for a real job they don’t know (until they hire me) that I’m a crazy, drunk, whore that will most likely blow the boss, file a sexual harassment claim, and fuck the sales team (aren’t sales people fabulous?  They have that natural, outgoing fuck-ability…heehee…like drinkability…what beer is that?  OMG FOCUS bee-otch.  biotch?  Biyotch? Ohhhh Biznatch!  Heehee colloquialisms rock.

You can spend all your time making money…You can spend all your love making time…If it all fell to pieces tomorrow…Would you still be mine? Love that song, love that line…maybe I should turn pandora down when I write??  And TAKE IT…to the limit, one more time (bitches). 

Do you see how video would be better?  Are you feelin that?  So what would be a good pen name for me?  Makes Noo Sense is fun but facebook keeps politely asking…are you a man or a woman?  OMG I partied with a woman, that was a man dressed as a woman last night.  Sorry, I don’t know the correct term and if I leave this page one more time for google, pandora, twitter, or any damn thing…I’m not gonna finish… PS the song “How Long” is now playing.  Hilarious.  Appropriate.  And yes, I like old people “adult contemporary” music but I have been known to like some bub in the club stuff too (that one was for you, OGD!). 

quick detour AGAIN…one night in Sac OGD and I went to a club and I got hammered, hammered they put me in the mix until they put me OUTSIDE. I like to take my shoes off and apparently only Britney Spears can do the public barefoot thing.  I kept trying to get OGD to go to another bar by repeatedly telling him ‘I’m Bub In The Club Bitch’.  Ummmm, yeah.  That’s not annoying or anything. 

So pen name…pick it.  I like Jane but do you prefer a more stripper type of name… (inside joke, inside joke, inside joke….ok, I’ll let you in…I have a little bit of a stripper name..but don’t tell anyone ok?)

Sigh…now I’ve gotta write a post about last night…and it was a long, crazy, drunk, 4 bar, met a random, drunk dialed my old neighbor type of night.  I might need some ADD medication to focus.  I need to fix the ignition on my cognition.  Video people…I need video

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