All about the single life in Seattle

I’ve had tweets about it and mentioned it in the blog – I was supposed to be leaving for Portland in the morning to see The Exxx.  That trip is now off.  I’m bummed….and relieved.

The Exxx is just not someone I even talk about on the blog.   Have you been waiting for the sensitive girly side to come out…well here she comes!  Fellas you may want to check back tomorrow ; )  don’t worry, the dirty girl will be back!

I met The Exxx at a club (XXX is needed for this guy).  I was there on a date with another guy.  I know, who goes to a club for a date??  I was out with a cute Greek guy (tan, dark hair, my fav); a bit of a name dropper but that is so Sacramento.  He was cute and a good kisser, but apparently when he drank he became a smoker.  Ewww!  I’ll pass on the kisses thanks.  We’re at a club so there was plenty to drink and therefore plenty of smoke breaks….see ya!

I love to dance and so does The Exxx.  We met on the dance floor.  Instant connection; the guy picked me up…literally!  I loved it.  He’s 6′ tall, beautiful smile (6 months into the relationship he finally admitted he had veneers…they were perfect and I love perfect teeth), square jaw, great eyes, fit, I could go on and on.  You get it.  I was attracted!  We danced all night and I gave him my number (right in front of the Greek) before leaving the club.  Within an hour he was at my condo.  At that time I was 33 years old.

I had a friend (and neighbor) over that night, he worked at another club so he was on the late night schedule that only people in the industry have; you know partying at 4am.  The three of us were drinking and smoking (yes, this was back in my pot smoking days) and all having fun.  The Exxx was from Grass Valley, a small town compared to Sacramento.  We named various clubs and asked him if he had been….I was heavy into clubbing at that point in my life…”well I just turned 21 three months ago” the Exxx says.  Oh Jesus!  I had no idea!!!  I should have kicked him out right then but I was spun.  Not only was The Exxx In-FUCKING-Credibly gorgeous…he was funny and as time went on I found out his insides, his heart, was even hotter than his outsides.

I spent a year exclusively dating The Exxx.  Well, as exclusive as someone like me can be.  I never fucked anyone else but I went on dates.  I was so in love with this kid and I knew it had to end.  My 34th birthday we were together in my family’s lake house on Clear Lake, just the two of us.  We drank way too much, watched movies, fucked, laid out, went to town in their Ford “Think” (it’s like a golf cart…hilarious!), ate shitty food, and talked…and talked…and I really fell in love.  God I loved this kid.  I hurts me to type that now….three years later : (  I really loved him and I still do.

The Exxx basically moved in with me.  We spent every day together.  We had sex up to five times a day (hence the XXX in the name).  We laughed, we had fun, I met his family, he met mine.  Although he had always been ‘cute’ growing up, he was a little bit chubby and he didn’t fix those teeth until his late teens.  Then came weight loss, a growth spurt, veneers…holy shit….but he had no clue about his market value.  This fucker was (and still is) hot, hot, hot.  I would say in the top three hottest guy I have ever been with….and I’ve been around the block (shhh!).  I knew from the beginning there was no future so I got to be 110% myself.  No need to play the “you’re the 5th guy I’ve even been with”, keeping up the innocent shit in case we kicked it up a notch and somehow married.  For the first time ever…I was real…and it felt great.

As I said, we were together a year and it was wonderful.  I have absolutely no regrets but as time went on he started getting more and more attention and you know that fucked up, painful expression about ‘if you love something, let it go….’?  Well that day came.  He met a bleached blond (think Kendra from GND) bimbo a few years younger than him.  I’m not a hater….she had a slutty look to her but hey, I loved Pam Anderson and The Girls Next Door so I will absolutely admit she had appeal.  She reminded me of a young Anna Faris, um yea….compete with that?…not so much!  He tried to date us both but after our year together we couldn’t go back to casual dating.  I had to let him go.  I was willing…but he kept coming back.  In the end I fucked him one night and after he passed out I called her using his phone.  At the time he thought I was “psycho” but I believe every guy calls his ex psycho.  I wasn’t though.  I had to push him away to preserve ME.  I needed to rip that band-aid off and just heal.  The next day I went to the Mr’s house for the first time…

Everything in Sacramento made me think of The Exxx.  Suddenly I was a prisoner in my own home that at one time I loved so much.  It was painful.

The Mr and I were both in a position where we needed someone.  It was a case of right place, right time.  I love him now.  Really, genuinely love him…but in the beginning I needed him as a distraction.  A beautiful distraction that paid attention to me, treated me like a princess, took me to all the finest restaurants, flew me out of state…for LUNCH.  I felt the best when I came to Seattle with The Mr and at the end of every trip I asked if he would mind if I stayed.  I just needed a few extra days to not think of The Exxx.  I just needed some space….

At first we would drunk dial each other once a week or so but as time went out those calls stopped.  Eventually Anna Faris moved in with him.  Ouch!  That one hurt.  We became “friends” but I was still hurting.  Everytime I go home I think of him…and of us.  We’ve stayed in touch although not often.  Anna has certainly not forgotten that phone call and is a smart girl, she knows what she’s got so we can only talk when she’s at work.

The last time The Exxx and I got together we went to a park (so no one would see him out with me and report it back to Anna!).  That day I got botox and because I was feeling like I needed a little treat to pick me up, an injectable in my upper lip.  This was the first and only time I’ve done that injectable.  My advice…don’t do it.  I was feeling old and thought it might provide an attitude adjustment.  I had no idea I the novacaine would take so long to wear off that I would speak funny and then as the hours went by I would bruise, which meant I had no choice but to admit to my impulse decision.  That confession certainly did not make me feel young.  Ugh!  His 22 year old girlfriend is no where near injectables and botox.  The whore probably goes braless in public no less!  As we sat in the park he admitted to me…..the words I waited to hear from sober lips for a year….”I loved you…but”, he explains…”you know I am honest…. and the truth is…you are just too old.  If we were the same age we would be together forever”. 

I’m gonna grab a tissue and pause for reaction. 

I’m
just
too
old

Couldn’t he have quit at I loved you?  But like me, he keeps in real.  There is no amount of botox, no surgery, nothing I can do to change this age issue.  I’ll never forget that comment.  While I appreciate his honesty and candor, it hurts so much.  I’m sure he has no idea.  I’m a realistic girl.  I actually understand his reasoning…but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.

We still have an incredible connection.  There are times I am feeling down and he manages to call me that day…out of the blue.  I will admit that I love my life now and am so glad I left Sacramento.  I’ve had experiences and opportunities here that I would have missed out!!  The last few times I have gone home The Exxx and I have not been able to connect.  The truth is, I’ve done it on purpose.  He has no idea that 3 years later I still have tears typing out our story.  We laugh and joke and occasionally send some dirty text messages but we do not talk about our feelings. 

I invited him to Seattle repeatedly when I first moved her and every time he declined.  What would Anna say?  He didn’t want to see me on my ‘turf’ and I didn’t want to see him on our old one.  What to do?  Then a boys weekend in Oregon was on his calendar.  We agreed to meet in Portland.  Half way for both of us.  My mind has been racing for weeks.  Will we have sex?  Will I cry?  Can we hang out in a hotel room with alcohol and old memories and act as if we are just two old friends??  I knew the answers to these questions.  He did too.

Yesterday he called me.  Some of the guys flaked out so he wouldn’t have his own car to make the three hour drive to Portland.  I wasn’t willing to drive 6 hours.  I really wasn’t willing to open my wounded heart.  I guess three years is still not enough time.  Although I hope I’m in some kind of committed relationship in my 40s, I also hope that at some point he’ll finish up with these crazy 20s and we will get back together….or is that psycho?

Alright…you’ve had a moment to peer into my soul….back to our previously scheduled insanity of dating, shopping, and strap ons….thanks for listening. I do appreciate you and want you to know…I have a heart too!  It’s not ALL sex and candy ; )
XOXO MakesNooSense

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