All about the single life in Seattle

Well I think yesterdays post really did ‘kick it up a notch’ (there was face slapping cock involved….give yourself a giggle and read it…then read it to the jackass in the cube next to you) which means 1. I’m probably going to lay low this week in terms of crazy dates and 2. I might as well flash back for some good content to keep this party going.

I told LBC this one over the weekend and she LOVED it so I think it’s good enough to share…

Almost one year today I was out for happy hour at the Capital Grille with a girlfriend I’ll call “Shopaholic” (she was a buyer for a large, local department store, come on…you know the one, it is SEATTLE!).   One drink turns into six and next thing you know the bartender is politely asking you to get the hell out; CG is more restaurant than bar.  We head next door to the bar at the W Hotel.  I love this spot.  Cool environment, lots of business daddies on expensed travel.  Clearly I’m already on the path to drunk.  A smart person would jump in a cab and head home.  I aspire to someday be that smart person.  But then again, I wouldn’t have any stories, right?

Shopaholic and I meet “The Salesman”.  He’s a little bit cocky but since I’m intoxicated I love it and want more.  We shoot the sh*t for awhile.  He is married with kids and lives in the Midwest.  He tells us he can sell us on anything, you name the product.  What a jackass.  I might just be in love

We have a few more cocktails (not wine but the hard stuff!).  He’s got the honeymoon suite at the Alexis hotel and he’s more than happy to share it with the two of us.  Shopaholic is NOT interested.  She takes Princess to a whole new level.  Good.  More for me!

I recall leaving the W and waiting for a cab.  Who knows how many hours we have been drinking but when I hit my limit I have a tendency to black out and not remember a damn thing.  Cab comes and we put Shopaholic in.  She had no idea she was leaving without me.  Bye sweetie!  I do remember walking into the Alexis.  It was my first time in that hotel.  I remember the room was in fact huge and there was a big tub.  The Salesman had mentioned earlier that he wanted to go back to the suite and shave me but with the exception of my 5 o’clock shadow, I was already bald.  I can’t remember if there was a lot of discussion or negotiation about it.  I do remember being in the tub and the shave cream being out.  I hope it lived up to his fantasy.  Where do you go from shaving the kitty?  He asks me, ‘would you like to run across the street and get a strap-on and fuck me in the ass’, just as casual as one might ask if I wanted some room service.  Now it’s getting good!!

We get dressed and head across the street to Taboo.  This is another first for me.  I’ve sold dildos before doing home parties so sex toys are not the slightest bit shocking to me.  Fucking a guy in the ass with a dildo….ok, you’ve got my attention.  I wonder if he’s serious or just trying to bluff.  I’m willing to call this one; let’s see how it goes.

He is doing his shopping, taking it all in and making a decision.  I still think there is the potential for a ‘just kidding!!!’ so I check out the various lubes.  He picks one out (it is his ass so I wanted him to be the decision maker) and after we grab some lube we head to the counter.  A tall, thin, snoop dog look-a-like with his hair in two puffy pom poms is working the register.  Now you know this fool has seen it ALL.  He has to open the box and take everything out and confirm that it is in fact working (there is a little mini vibrator in it) because (understandably) there are NO RETURNS!!  It’s absolutely surreal to watch snoop checking out the dildo that my new married friend is about to have in his ass. 

We head back to the room and it’s obvious that this is no joke.  Interesting.  I ask him, without judgement, ‘does your wife know about your fetish?’.  No, she wouldn’t understand.  So WIVES…here’s a tip:  Be understanding. Be open.  Most of all….FUCK YOUR HUSBAND.  If you do not, someone else will.

There’s just no turning back now (haha, kind of a pun there, eh?).  Let’s get to it.  This is my first time having a penis and you know what guys…it aint easy.  I’m sure there has been a moment where you were a little…shall I say…bendy?  That’s tough.  My dick is floppin around, bendy, I have little control and I can’t feel what it’s feeling.  I’ve got the lube and I warm him up.  I don’t like anything implied….I finger his ass.

PAUSE….sometimes when I’m typing I just crack up!  I hope you are not offended and can laugh at this craziness…if not, f*ck you, don’t read my blog.

Ok asshole is ready, lube is out, dick is bendy but attitude is good and attitude is everything, right?  I make a few attempts to put my dick in his ass.  I never knew it would be so difficult and just like a girl he keep lifting his ass higher and higher.  Now, we do this because we need you to realize where the pussy is.  If your girl keeps raising her ass up that means I DON’T WANT IT IN THE BUTT, THANKS!!!  But why was this guy doing it?  So the more he raises I get up to meet him. I was on my knees and now I’m on my feet, squatting.  I’m close, I’m close….I get so frustrated when I finally get that contact I shove my cock in there so hard he almost hits the ceiling like a cat.  Ok, this is really getting good!!!!  About time I got to try it on the other side.  Forget all that empathy I was feeling a minute ago.   So you have to do a little work to get it in there.  Once it’s in….you’ve got the power.  NICE!

I don’t need to really get more graphic than that (is it even possible??).  I stick it to him for awhile.  I do try and reach around and jack him off but I’m just too new and I have a bendy dick.  Maybe next time when I get a little more skill.  After awhile he’s done.  Not like he came, he’s just over it and he’s ready to cum.  He politely asks me if I want him to fuck me in the ass.  Awww, the guy has manners.  Seriously.  No thanks, this whole situation really has my head spinning and the several cocktails aren’t helping the spins.  I just need to be alone and gather my thoughts.  ‘Well, I still need to cum!!!’ he tells me.  Ouch, sorry for being a selfish bastard.  I don’t want him to fuck me.  This has been a lot.  Just jack yourself off and cum on my tits.  Probably not the ending he was looking for but oh well. 

He finished himself off and I’m instantly ready to bounce.  “Do you want this”, he asks, holding the strap-on.  “I can’t take it on the plane with me”.  Pause for reaction…. let’s just say I do get myself in a similar situation… how many men would find it hot for me to say I already have a strap-on to go in your ass?  Here’s an honest question.  Comment and let me know.  Ok at least discuss with your buddies.  Forget who was voted off American Idol and discuss something good for a change.

I head out of the Alexis and leave Salesman behind.  I forgot that earlier in the evening I had given him my faux business card and we exchanged a few emails.  Think I’ll write him now to see if I get a response.  Could be fun.  I’ll keep you posted!